Strange New Feelings

Have you got your shopping done yet?? I have finally finished my shopping. The good thing about shopping is you get to do a lot of walking. All of the walking, while it seems like a pain, is good for weight losing weight. I try to park far away from the store to give myself more distance to walk. I also like to park in a central location and walk to several stores from one location. I guess it is one way of getting exercise.

The other good thing about this time of year is the amount of people out and about shopping. This is the one time of year you will see such a diverse group of people all in one store. I was even amused by the number of guys standing in lines at Bed, Bath and Beyond, etc. It is nice to see all the diversity.

I have been experiencing a new feeling lately. While shopping, I noticed on numerous occasions people were looking at me. It is different for me because I am use to being the fat kid and people only looking at me with disgust in their eyes. I find it awkward to have women and men stare at me and then smile. I know this is suppose to be a good feeling, but I am so not used to it. I know it sounds crazy, but you probably have to be in my shoes to understand it. It is like being the poor kid who wins the lottery and everyone suddenly likes me.

As for my weight, I think I have finally plateaued. I know most people get upset when this happens, but I am just so thrilled at the amount of weight I have lost so far. It has only been a couple of months and I feel like a new person. I know when I start working out and get another fill that my weight will start going down again. Until then, I am happy and look forward to the future.

I am really glad that I have lost so much weight, but I feel as though I don’t know myself. I used to spend so much time worrying about what other people thought that I didn’t live my own life. Since the weight is disappearing, I find myself happier then I have ever been in my life. I have a very positive attitude about everything. I want to be happy and enjoy this new found happiness. I will admit at times I feel lost because I am not used to being happy and doing fun things. I spent so much time hiding that I am not sure what to do now that I am coming out to enjoy life. Also, with the weight gone, I have more energy and feel really bored. I am hoping the exercising will help this issue. Time will tell, I will keep ya posted!

To Tell or Not To Tell…

When I first decided to have this surgery, it was because I wanted it for me and to help eliminate some health issues I had and would be facing in the future. I did not feel I had to share this information with everyone. This is something you need to think about because you do lose it slowly, but it is noticeable and some people are just damn nosey about everything. There are already too many assholes, oops I mean opinions, in this world now.

So what did I do…well, I decided to tell a few friends I trusted because I needed a support group. My family also knew since they have helped me throughout the process. I think I made a good choice, but it still has it pros and cons…

So, I told a few people, they are all happy for me, but some of them are over protective. They watch what I eat more then I do and it can be a pain sometimes. One even saw me eating a piece of candy and asked me, how I could start messing up after spending all that money. I politely informed the person I knew what was going in MY mouth and I was okay. My doctor was happy with me and my decisions to this point and I will continue on this path. Of course then some of them start whining I am losing too much weight and they are gaining weight. I am not sure if they are trying to make me feel bad or not, but that does not work on me.

As for those I didn’t tell, well some just give me compliments and others ignore it. It is a mixed bag. The compliments as nice, but I am modest, so I try to ignore them. The one thing I have a problem blowing off is when the women start to rub on me and grope me. It is interesting, but makes me feel a little awkward. Then there is another group of people that think I am starving myself or worry I am getting sick or I caught something that is making me sick. I have had several question what I am eating and how often, to the point some offered to give me money so I could buy some food. I have even had a few drop some breakfast bars and such off on my desk. I have also noticed because I am losing weight and looking nice that some people are a lot nicer to me and those that did not talk to me, do now. Please do not fall for these shallow people that judge you on your image because they are not worth it. Be happy with you and those that like you no matter what.

In closing, I wish you the best in your decision. Just remember…everyone is a little strange sometimes.

WOW…where does the time go…

I cannot believe it has been this long since I have written a blog. SHAME ON ME!! I will try to do better in the future. I went to the doctor in November and I lost another 5 lbs, which puts me at 40 lbs lost so far. He told me that because I am doing so well that I did not need another fill. He was happy with a 5 lbs loss and told me as long as I continue to lose between 5 to 8 lbs a month I would be fine. I was glad I did not get another fill. Why? Well, because it gives me time to lose the weight slowly and leaves more room in my band to add fill later when my weight lose slows down. He did tell me I need to do more exercise!

I am not a big fan of exercise. I have done my fair share and hated it. I actually do not hate exercising; I just hate trying to find time to do it. However, if you plan on having this surgery, then you better damn well plan on working out. IT IS A MUST…so yes, I will be doing it soon. I plan to start after the holidays, yeah, yeah…you hear that all the time, but I am different. The last time I worked out I lost 40 lbs on my own, so I am curious to see what will happen now!!

SCALE ATTACK…or rather lack of it. Like everyone else, I get a lot of use out of my scale. However, for some weird reason, I just could not force myself to weigh in for almost three weeks. It was the weirdest thing, but I avoided the scale like crazy. It was not because I was gaining weight because my clothes were getting looser. I still don’t know, but after talking some other bandsters, it is a phase you might go through during your weight loss on lap-band.

Well, I was supposed to go back to the doctor next week, but I decided to push it off for another month because I am keeping on course. I am down another 5 lbs, which makes it a total of 45 lbs lost, but I will not update my on-line scale until I get weighed by my doctor. I am a little sad because I don’t think I will meet my Christmas goal of losing 50 lbs, but it is okay.

I am going to end this blog here because I don’t want them to get too long. I have another in mind that you will need to read because it involves how people around you will react to your weight loss…

Positive thoughts from my surgery

Thank goodness for meds because I am finally starting to feel better.  I wanted to take the time to list some of the good things you get to look forward to when you have this surgery.  Please keep in mind I have only had my band for 2 months and 6 days.  Also, the results will be different for every person.  Plus, how much energy and willingness to success you put into the new lifestyle determines a lot of your outcome.  I also wanted to mention that a good site to visit is LapBandTalk.  It is an awesome forum and you can visit some of the before and after photo postings (Click Here).  I hope to post some pics there for Christmas.

It doesn't take much to fill you up after a meal.  It is great not to fell hungry, you just have to be careful because even though your belly is full, you brain thinks you are still hungry.  Yes, it is possible to still eat when you are full, if you eat the bad things.  These items are called "empty calories" because they go right through the band into your stomach.  Things to avoid are cheese puffs, cookies, candy, brownies, ice cream, pasta, etc. (pretty much anything you know can easily dissolve in your mouth).  WARNING:  Don't chew gum, yes it doesn't have many calories and they say it gives you gas (as in you swallow air and it fills up your belly), but the main reason not to chew gum is because if you swallow it, it could get stuck and they would have to remove your band.

I avoid fast food restaurants.  After the surgery the only thing I have been able to eat from a fast food restaurant is soup and milkshakes (only three in two months, which would be considered bad because they are counted as empty calories, but sometimes it was all I had for the day).  I can honestly say I am happy about it because it saves me a lot of money.  

I can't eat fried foods.  Yep, you are reading that correctly.  About a month after having the surgery, I tried to eat a chicken nugget and OMG did I think it was going to kill me.  I don't mind giving chicken up because I loved fish more, but after my first fill, I could no longer eat fried fish.  I was mad, but in a way happy at the same time.  I still eat fish, but I have to marinade it and bake it.  I am sure if I grill it I would be okay too.  I have been able to eat beef and chicken too, but only if it is in a sauce and not fried (for example:  taco meat, sloppy joes, chopped/diced bar-b-que chicken).  

I don't have to take any medication.  A month after the surgery (with about 30 lbs lost – close to 10% of my weight lost), I went to see my doctor and requested my need to be on meds to be re-evaluated.  After running some tests, he took me off all my meds, which saves me about $120 a month (close to $1500 a year!).  Please note this will be different for everyone.

I have more energy.  I love the fact I have more energy and seem happier in life.  Please note, your energy levels will depend a lot on your mood and what you eat.  You need to eat a lot of protein to maintain high energy levels.  You can do this through protein shakes (I use strawberry muscle milk) or eating lots of things high in protein (fish, chicken, etc.).  The extra energy is great because it allows me to exercise (either through DVD tapes or gym equipment).

You get to go shopping!  I know a lot of you will love this option, but don't get too excited.  As for me, I like the thought of shopping for new clothes, but at the same time you can't buy tons of stuff because it might not fit in a few weeks or months (everyone loses their weight at different rates and that is something very important to remember).  My solution to this issue (especially for my work pants) is to shop via eBay because I can buy it cheaply and in bulk lots.

You get lots of compliments.  If you have doubts you are losing the weight, don't worry because sooner or later someone will let you know that you have lost lots of weight.  A lot of people where I work have reminded me that I have lost weight and some of the women are a little to feely-touchy for my liking.  I guess it is a good thing because I need to be more open.  Also, it if bothers you, don't worry I hear that after awhile people get used to you losing the weight.

You look different in the mirror!  I wasn't a big fan of the mirror, but I don't mind it now.  I can really tell I am losing the weight.  If feels nice to be able to see the difference in your body.  I will admit I am not crazy about where the fat comes or moves too, but you have to keep in mind it takes time for the body and skin to adjust.  I am happy because I am losing some of the belly, which is good because it kills my back.

I am sure there are a lot more positive things, but those of are just few I can think this morning.  I need to get some more rest because I am not fully over this cold yet.  Laterz!

It sucks to be sick...

Ugh…I have been sick for about three weeks now. I have a really bad cold. The doctor has put me on meds for it and I think I will be ok soon. It really sucks because I have not been able to use the new gym equipment I bought. I would not be surprised when I go back to the doctor next week that I haven’t lost any weight. I was hoping to lose a total of 50 lbs by Christmas, but I don’t see that happening.

Well, I hope I get over this cold because I have a tendency to eat more when I am sick, which is weird because most people eat less. I guess in some ways I am a little strange. I have also discovered that since I have lost so much weight people are really noticing it and seem to be more touchy-feely, which is nice, but a little uncomfortable too. They are evening giving me new nicknames. The women I work with have now started to get on to me if they seem me with something I should not be eating, which is funny because they don’t even know I have had the surgery. They just think I lost the weight on my own. I don’t know if they will ever catch on, but if they do that is fine with me.

Losing the weight is good for my health, but my mental health is another issue. I used to use the weight as an excuse not to be social or go out and do things. I filled my time with doing all kinds of jobs or going back to school for more degrees. I am a little sad because now that I am losing the weight and I am running out reasons to not be social, I feel alone. I have one good friend, but he is always busy, so I guess this blog will be my way to vent my thoughts. I am really nervous about what will happen when it comes to a point that I will have to go out, which might also explain why I am eating more then I should.

I know this might sound bad to my readers, but I want those people who are thinking about having the lap-band procedure done to realize that losing the weight will not solve your problems. It might make you healthy, but it will also help you face some of your demons.

Well, I need to get some rest. Until next time, peace.

October Update

I got my first fill on the 17th and it was a unique experience. It feels weird having someone push down on the port in my belly, in order to find the area where the needle needs to enter. The doctor was happy with my first fill. I am not sure it has done much because I seem to have stopped losing weight, which is okay because I lost so much in the beginning. I also know it is partially my fault because I have ate some things which are not good for me. I really need to get back on track, but something inside of me is still fighting.

I am beginning to think maybe I just don’t want to go out and have a life. I spend all of my time either working or using my weight to justify not going out. It might also be because of all the bad experiences I have had. I don’t know, but I need to figure it out because I am getting tired or nothingness. I am losing the weight and my work should slow down after the super site is developed. I am really not sure when in the hell I will do then.

I am trying to make a conscience effect to not find more work and things to do to keep me from living a fun life. I have even begun working out to help with the weight loss. My goal is to loss a total of 50 lbs by Christmas. I hope I can reach that goal because it is very obtainable.

I will try to write more often, but it will depend on my work load. Best wishes to all.

FASTFORWARD: March to October

After my great 12.2-mile walk, things seems to keep going in the right direction. I was more determined now then ever to lose the weight. I just wish someone could have told my body. I just keep moving along, dieting and exercising.

In May of 2007, my Dad wanted my mom to loss weight because she was become super-obese. He also felt bad for me because he thought my weight was making me happy and at this point all I was doing was maintaining. At my Dad's urging, we all went to a Lap-Band seminar done by Dr. Grossbard. It sounded great, but the cost was high ($16,000). I didn't know how I was going to get the money. My Dad made a deal with me, he told me that if I sold his rental property he would help pay for my surgery. He needed to make enough to cover the cost for both me and my mother. Being the creative person I am, I not only managed to sell the property in a matter of weeks, but I made a huge profit on it for my Dad.

In August of 2007, I went to see Dr. Grossbard. He did my evaluation and gave me the checklist of items I had to get completed if I wanted to get the surgery done. I was really happy and within a few weeks I had the list completed and prepared for surgery.

On September 4, 2007 (my Dad's b-day and my new b-day), I went under the knife. The surgery really didn't take that long. It was over in less than an hour. I did really well. My Dad took me home and I was up and walking around in no time. The worse thing about the surgery was the gas pain you feel. It hurts like bloody hell and it took several days for it to go away. Over the next two weeks I was on a clear liquid diet. I continued the follow the eating schedule provided to me by the doctor and eventually I was able to eat. I went back for my follow-up visit and everything was fine. I had lost a total of 30 lbs up to this point. I was really happy and continue to be. I think my life is finally starting to change for the better. I know there is a lot of details missing, but I am trying to keep it short and sweet so I can begin with what is happening today (October 17, 2007). If you want to know more, feel free to ask and I will share. I go for my first fill today. There is so my to tell about how things have changed...to be continued...

Lawd have mercy...

Lawd have mercy...

I hope you were able to read the first post and catch up to this point. As you know, I was starting to fall apart. I was burned out full of meds, not to mention depressed.

In March of 2007, I began a new diet eating about the same quantity as I was allowed on NutriSystem. I was doing good and with the meds feeling healthy and full of energy. I had began exercising. I was walking up to a mile or two a day. You ever get one of those feelings that the shit just hasn't hit the fan yet. I have had that feeling once before the previous year. I went on a trip to Atlanta (which I really love). When I was about to leave things just didn't feel right and I should have stayed with my friend, but I decided to head home. It began to sprinkle, which it hadn't done there in awhile. The oil made the road slick and I lost control and totaled my new SUV (http://www.ebozman.com/car.htm). I walk away from the car with hardly any wrong with me. I should have known then that I was stronger in at least spirit then most, but I guess I needed another test or bout of stupidity.

In March of 2007, I decided to take another vacation (which is usually when bad things happen to me). I figured since I had been doing so great walking that I would go hiking. I arrived at the park around 11 o’clock and read the directions on the map. It told all about how it was a 7-mile loop trail, but I wasn’t interested in that because I only wanted to do two miles. I began speed walking and once I hit the 2 mile marker, I felt great and decided to keep walking, until I hit the 4 mile marker (which is the most I have done in a single week). I was pretty happy, but tired. So, I stopped to think about what I should do next, either turn around and walk 4 miles back to my car or continue on the loop and finish the next three miles.

As you figured, I decided to do the three miles. It was painful as hell and I didn’t think I would make it to the 7-mile marker, but I did. I was so happy and felt like passing out. I had truly accomplished more then I thought I could do, but there was one REALLY big problem. The loop did end at the 7-mile marker, but not where my car was located. To my surprise there was an arrow pointing back to where my car was located and it was called the “short-cut” route. Hmmm…say what??

As you can guess, I thought I would just die right there in the blazing sun and never get back to my car, but the word “short-cut” gave me hope, until I read it was another 5.2 miles back to my car. I was so ready to kill someone, but I had no choice but to continue. By the time I hit the 9-mile marker, my legs started to give out, so I crashed on the ground and waited there for 20 or 30 minutes. My head was starting to spin, so all I could do was walk and look down at the ground. Needless to say, after several pit stops, I finally made it back to my car around 3 o’clock. As I tried to get into the car, my legs cramped and I couldn’t get in the car. I had to wait a little longer, but finally got in and headed home.

When I arrived home and tried to get out of the car, I almost fell because my legs couldn’t hold me up. I grabbed the carport and pushed my way closer to the door walking like a little old lady with a walker. I got inside grabbed my Gatorade and turned the a/c down low. I couldn’t move. Suddenly I started to freeze because of the bad sun burn I got from the long walk. I noticed I also had bruises, from what I don’t know and blisters.

I called my friend and he came over after work. He thought I was crazy and stayed there for a bit before going to buy dinner. Trust me the only reason I had wanted to eat is because I had not eaten anything the entire day, which probably kept me from vomiting on the trail. After dinner I soaked in a hot tub and did some leg exercise to keep my legs from tighten up.

I am happy I survived to tell the tale of my 4-hour, 12.2-mile walk. It is something I look back on and realize just how strong I am as a person. I think we all have more fight in us then we realize. Well, this entry is getting pretty long so I will end this one here.

How it all began...

Hello and welcome to my first post! I should have posted something a lot sooner, but I try to everyone up!!!

As with many people, I have tried for YEARS to lose weight and like many of them, I did not succeed. I was doing okay and enjoying life, then a year ago everything changed. I was trying to work full time and go back to school at night for to obtain several degrees in Web Design. I didn't have any problems until I decided to take seven classes at once (yes, I have already been told I am crazy). I passed with straight A's, but there was a price. I was burned out and things got worse when I went to the doctor. He told me my cholesterol levels and my blood pressure were both too high and my sugar levels were going up. I also started having chest pains. Given obesity, diabetes and heart attacks run in my family, I have decided it is time to change.

In October of 2006 I started NutriSystem and thought I had began my new life. I didn't want to hide anymore. I wanted to get out and have a healthy and fun life. Plus, I want to get off those damn meds. Don't we all? I lost 11 pounds in my first month on NutriSystem, but I wasn’t doing it right. I only did it on certain days and then cheated on others. Then in December, I started having heart palpitations. I was put on more medications and sent to a Cardiologist. I used this and the holidays as an excuse to go off the system. The Cardiologist conducted several tests and told me I would be okay. He thought told me the palpitations were probably from the stress in my life. Once I resolved what was stressing me, the pain went away. It is amazing how our bodies react to different situations. However, the bad news is when I weighed myself on December 29, 2006, I was shocked. I was now up to 316 pounds, the heaviest I have ever been in my life. I was so angry at myself and went on the NutriSystem full time.

Life seemed great and I was doing well on NutriSystem and losing weight. During the first week of being on only NutriSystem full time, I started having stomach pains, but I blew it off because I figured it was just the IBS acting up. I should have known something was not right because my stomach is very sensitive to the point I can’t even take vitamins without throwing them up. The pain got worse and I was off work for almost a week. The doctor told me I had severe gastritis (inflammation of the stomach), go figure. I was told that something in NutriSystem (the preservatives or additives) was resulting in me having a food allergy. My doctor told me to go off the diet. I was so bummed. My only goal right now was to get below 300 pounds and I was so close. On January 27, 2007 my weight was 302.5 pounds, which meant I had actually lost 13.5 pounds in a month. I was very happy. However, in February of 2007 I did as my doctor instructed and went off the system.

In March of 2007 I began a new diet eating about the same quantity as I was allowed on NutriSystem. I thought I was doing good until I began feeling week and losing energy. My doctor told me I was depressed and still burned out. He put me on some anti-depressants (like I wanted more meds) to help me. He ran some tests and discovered my testosterone levels were low, which also explained my lack of energy. He instructed me to start using a gel to help raise my levels, but there was a price to pay. Once I started using the gel, chances are I would never be able to have kids because of what it does to my system. I did as instructed and life seemed to be getting better.

I don't want to make this blog entry too long, so I am going to end this one here. I hope you read on because, what happens help lead me done the right path because God showed me just how strong I can be.