October Update

I got my first fill on the 17th and it was a unique experience. It feels weird having someone push down on the port in my belly, in order to find the area where the needle needs to enter. The doctor was happy with my first fill. I am not sure it has done much because I seem to have stopped losing weight, which is okay because I lost so much in the beginning. I also know it is partially my fault because I have ate some things which are not good for me. I really need to get back on track, but something inside of me is still fighting.

I am beginning to think maybe I just don’t want to go out and have a life. I spend all of my time either working or using my weight to justify not going out. It might also be because of all the bad experiences I have had. I don’t know, but I need to figure it out because I am getting tired or nothingness. I am losing the weight and my work should slow down after the super site is developed. I am really not sure when in the hell I will do then.

I am trying to make a conscience effect to not find more work and things to do to keep me from living a fun life. I have even begun working out to help with the weight loss. My goal is to loss a total of 50 lbs by Christmas. I hope I can reach that goal because it is very obtainable.

I will try to write more often, but it will depend on my work load. Best wishes to all.