GAIN + ER = MOTIVATION

Since my last blog a lot has happened. As you know, I had an appointment scheduled with my doctor for January 16, 2008. I was not looking forward to it because I knew I was not losing weight and I would have to get a fill. I will be honest and tell you I am not crazy about getting fills. I just don’t care to think about getting a big ass needle jammed into my belly to put even more into it, sounds funny when you think about it that way. I bit the bullet and decided to keep my appointment.

I arrived at the doctor’s office and I was nervous. I wasn’t sure exactly what to expect. The nurse called me in and I stepped on the scale. DAMN THE SCALE…, sorry, my bad. It said I gained 6 pounds. In that very moment I was so disgusted with myself. I couldn’t believe it. I knew I was depressed and felt alone, but I didn’t realize those feelings kept me from watching what I was eating.

Side Note: A friend from another site provided me with this little bit of knowledge:

There is a physical reason for the depression, in addition to all of the emotional changes that losing weight, losing favorite foods, and sometimes friends (eating buddies) brings about. Our bodies store hormones (and lots of other nasty things) in our fat tissue and as we start to lose weight that all gets released. If there is enough junk or you lose fast enough, your mind and body get flooded with chemical rushes it doesn't know what to do with. Then the tide may suddenly shift and the levels may fall dramatically, it's like being pregnant or menopausal (regardless of you sex).

My doctor gave me “the lap-band is only a tool” lecture, which is so true. If you decided to have this surgery done, please, please don’t do it alone and make sure you have some people there to help support you (and I don’t mean in just giving you compliments). The doctor decided I needed a fill. During the process we learned I have a low threshold (which means I will never be able to get my band filled past a certain point). My first fill was 4.00 cc. The doctor was only able to add an additional 0.20 cc to the band because I was having pain.

I left the office and headed home. I felt a little weird, but that happens when you get a fill. When I arrived home, I started to get a pain in my back. I figured it was just gas and the band adjusting. As time went on the pain started to get worse and within 5 hours my body was in shock. It felt like I had a large kitchen knife stuck in my back. I could not sleep, I was turning very pale, getting a fever and nausea and beginning to shake. I called the doctor and he told me to meet him at the ER. When he arrived he took out 2.00 cc of fill from my band (leaving me with 2.20 cc of fill).

It sucked because the hospital didn’t have the right equipment and he had nothing to numb my belly with before he stuck me twice with that needle. He kept asking me if I was okay because I wouldn’t stop shaking. It was the most horrible experience with pain I have ever had (even more so then my gall bladder). However, it all ended once he removed some fill. He told me the band can be a little touchy sometimes and it is hard to tell if you get them just right. He told me to come back to the office in two weeks (January 30, 2008) and he would do the fill with floro so he could make sure the water was passing through my band.

I decided in that moment that I never wanted to be in that much pain again. I began thinking positive, eating right and walking after work (usually 2 miles). It was my goal to try and lose the 6 pounds I gain before I returned to him. Plus, if I did well then I was not getting another fill until I had to!! I knew that the odds were against me since now that I had less fill then I originally started with before this second fill. If you don’t know by now, I can be a bit stubborn and do what is necessary to get what I want to be happy (which meant no fill).

I took the whole day off to prepare for my appointment. I had worked hard these past two weeks and didn’t know what to expect. As the nurse called my name, I got really nervous, but already decided I was not going to get a fill. I knew that mentally I was not ready for a fill at this point. As we walked to that DAMN SCALE…I stepped on it and asked it for forgiveness, I love that scale! All the hard work and changes I had made paid off because I lost 14 pounds in two weeks. YEP, I am back on track. I lost the 6 pounds I gained, plus an additional 8 pounds. I was so excited and the doctor was happy with the loss too. He told me I didn’t have to get a fill if I keep on losing weight.

I have lost 48 pounds since my surgery on September 4, 2007. It has been an interesting journey and it is only in the beginning stages. I hope by reading these blogs you will learn that with the good comes some bad, but the good will always out weigh the bad. The lap-band is only a tool and it helps you feel full, but it is up to you to stop eating when that happens. Plus, you need to have a good support group, think positive, prepare for bumps in the road, and always tell your doctor if you are in pain or uncomfortable. As for the scale, it will always be our frienemy (friend + enemy). I go back to the doctor on March 5, 2008 and my goal is to lose 10 more pounds. Wish me luck!

No Birthday Gifts For Me!!

It is appears that this year is not starting off with a bang for me. I have defiantly stopped losing weight. I am sad about it, but it is my own fault. I have lost my way and started eating things I should not be eating, which has raised the amount of calories I have been consuming. I have also not been exercising, which is a must, no matter what type of diet or lifestyle change you make. Don’t get me wrong, while I am sad, I am not disappointed in my weight loss to this point. I feel so delighted to have lost 40 lbs this quickly and I am sure once I get over this small bump in the road I will lose 40+ more pounds.

I think it is good to realize the reasons why you want to lose the weight before you try doing it. I know for me it is because I want to live. I turn 32 today (happy birthday to me..lol) and I feel like I have yet to truly live life. I think losing the weight and getting my confidence and self esteem back is the key to accomplishing this task.

Why did I fall off track…hmm…well that is easy to answer. I am afraid. I got nervous about how the people were looking at me differently and it felt weird. It was a new set of feelings for me and I wasn’t sure how to deal with them. I was also concerned I wouldn’t have the money to get new clothes or go out more if I developed new friendships. Ya know, it is kind of awkward sharing all of this, but it is a way to help myself and maybe others too. Anyways, I know I will get over these hurdles. I am already developing a plan!

I have an appointment next week to see my doctor. I am supposed to get a fill, which will cause me to start losing weight again. I am also thinking about seeing if I should go on liquids again for two weeks to help get the negative things I carve out of my system again. I will also use this time to “try” and pull a “Biggest Loser” on myself and bust my ass with exercising. I don’t know if this will work, but it is the plan for now. I guess ya’ll will have to check back to see how things work out! Keep your fingers crossed!

Just something I received at work that I thought I would share. Enjoy!

Make a Fresh Start: 10 Tips
Tuning in to what motivates you can help you make a big change, such as quitting smoking, losing weight, starting an exercise program or reducing stress.

1. Know yourself. Think about what drives you. You may feel pride in a job well done, enjoy getting praise from others or be inspired to change by a personal event.

2. Choose realistic goals. Look toward results that are specific and reachable. “I will lose 10 pounds by the summer” is easier to reach than a general one such as “I want to be thinner.”

3. Take one step at a time. Break down large goals into small steps. If you want to reduce stress, you might start by learning one new calming technique, crossing one item off your to-do list or setting up a space in your home for quiet reflection.

4. Set a time frame. Mark your start date and deadlines on your calendar.

5. Build confidence. Do easy tasks first to create a positive attitude.

6. Recall your purpose. Why are you making this change? Perhaps you want to feel and look better, live longer so you’ll enjoy your grandchildren, have more energy or be successful at work. Use your values as inspiration.

7. Cut out distractions. Make reaching your goal a priority. Schedule it into your day like any other appointment. Recognize that you might need to get more rest and cut back on obligations as you work toward your goal.

8. Plan for setbacks. Know that the road may be bumpy. Decide now what you’ll do when you have a tough day, such as calling a friend or doing something special for yourself.

9. Ask for help. Set up a support network of people you trust who can help you meet your goal.

10. Reward yourself. Every accomplishment, no matter how small, deserves recognition.