GAIN + ER = MOTIVATION

Since my last blog a lot has happened. As you know, I had an appointment scheduled with my doctor for January 16, 2008. I was not looking forward to it because I knew I was not losing weight and I would have to get a fill. I will be honest and tell you I am not crazy about getting fills. I just don’t care to think about getting a big ass needle jammed into my belly to put even more into it, sounds funny when you think about it that way. I bit the bullet and decided to keep my appointment.

I arrived at the doctor’s office and I was nervous. I wasn’t sure exactly what to expect. The nurse called me in and I stepped on the scale. DAMN THE SCALE…, sorry, my bad. It said I gained 6 pounds. In that very moment I was so disgusted with myself. I couldn’t believe it. I knew I was depressed and felt alone, but I didn’t realize those feelings kept me from watching what I was eating.

Side Note: A friend from another site provided me with this little bit of knowledge:

There is a physical reason for the depression, in addition to all of the emotional changes that losing weight, losing favorite foods, and sometimes friends (eating buddies) brings about. Our bodies store hormones (and lots of other nasty things) in our fat tissue and as we start to lose weight that all gets released. If there is enough junk or you lose fast enough, your mind and body get flooded with chemical rushes it doesn't know what to do with. Then the tide may suddenly shift and the levels may fall dramatically, it's like being pregnant or menopausal (regardless of you sex).

My doctor gave me “the lap-band is only a tool” lecture, which is so true. If you decided to have this surgery done, please, please don’t do it alone and make sure you have some people there to help support you (and I don’t mean in just giving you compliments). The doctor decided I needed a fill. During the process we learned I have a low threshold (which means I will never be able to get my band filled past a certain point). My first fill was 4.00 cc. The doctor was only able to add an additional 0.20 cc to the band because I was having pain.

I left the office and headed home. I felt a little weird, but that happens when you get a fill. When I arrived home, I started to get a pain in my back. I figured it was just gas and the band adjusting. As time went on the pain started to get worse and within 5 hours my body was in shock. It felt like I had a large kitchen knife stuck in my back. I could not sleep, I was turning very pale, getting a fever and nausea and beginning to shake. I called the doctor and he told me to meet him at the ER. When he arrived he took out 2.00 cc of fill from my band (leaving me with 2.20 cc of fill).

It sucked because the hospital didn’t have the right equipment and he had nothing to numb my belly with before he stuck me twice with that needle. He kept asking me if I was okay because I wouldn’t stop shaking. It was the most horrible experience with pain I have ever had (even more so then my gall bladder). However, it all ended once he removed some fill. He told me the band can be a little touchy sometimes and it is hard to tell if you get them just right. He told me to come back to the office in two weeks (January 30, 2008) and he would do the fill with floro so he could make sure the water was passing through my band.

I decided in that moment that I never wanted to be in that much pain again. I began thinking positive, eating right and walking after work (usually 2 miles). It was my goal to try and lose the 6 pounds I gain before I returned to him. Plus, if I did well then I was not getting another fill until I had to!! I knew that the odds were against me since now that I had less fill then I originally started with before this second fill. If you don’t know by now, I can be a bit stubborn and do what is necessary to get what I want to be happy (which meant no fill).

I took the whole day off to prepare for my appointment. I had worked hard these past two weeks and didn’t know what to expect. As the nurse called my name, I got really nervous, but already decided I was not going to get a fill. I knew that mentally I was not ready for a fill at this point. As we walked to that DAMN SCALE…I stepped on it and asked it for forgiveness, I love that scale! All the hard work and changes I had made paid off because I lost 14 pounds in two weeks. YEP, I am back on track. I lost the 6 pounds I gained, plus an additional 8 pounds. I was so excited and the doctor was happy with the loss too. He told me I didn’t have to get a fill if I keep on losing weight.

I have lost 48 pounds since my surgery on September 4, 2007. It has been an interesting journey and it is only in the beginning stages. I hope by reading these blogs you will learn that with the good comes some bad, but the good will always out weigh the bad. The lap-band is only a tool and it helps you feel full, but it is up to you to stop eating when that happens. Plus, you need to have a good support group, think positive, prepare for bumps in the road, and always tell your doctor if you are in pain or uncomfortable. As for the scale, it will always be our frienemy (friend + enemy). I go back to the doctor on March 5, 2008 and my goal is to lose 10 more pounds. Wish me luck!